Should I give up

I gave you my best, I try to talk to you throughout the day when youre not busy but you never bother to reply me. I think I should pull out the ultimate test where i've always failed to do. I've deleted your number, I've done errething, but I always have the temptations to hit you up and when you text you dont bother to reply fast while I respond immediately, I always check my phone... I hoep this works.

I'm really scared

I always cry now, I pussy out on this so much. I cry in the shower or when I have time by myself. Today, I just spent the whole day with luwina telling her how i'm feeling. I wonder why guys dont feel the same, why cant they be more sensitive too.. like us. I always constantly feel like my boyfriend dont love me anymore, I can feel he distance. I'm scared that he's getting bored of me and he's always going to these parties where he meets new girls and stuff & he gets close to them, I get so insecure about it i'm afraid he might find someone better. The last time it happened, he basically "cheated" because he was drunk. idk if he has intentions or whatever but doesnt drunk people sometimes have a sense of mind too. sometimes I wish you'd cared more, the littlest things you do back 2 months ago is so differ from now like handing me your jacket when I'm cold or the way to reply to me, the way how we used to always hold hands, the way how'd you always hit me up for some alone time. Now, it's all different, you no longer gave me efforts, now I always have to hit you up in order for us to hang. like in the middle of the day when we hang, you would eb like "can we hit them up?" ... you dont even care if I go places or do stuff anymore, back then you did. I feel liek you care less and less and idk what to do. I know you would always just hit me up when you're bored but you never hit me up and elgitly hang out with me the whole day. i feel like either I'm gettting boring or i'm less useful to you anymore. it makes you so long just to text me back with a "lol.... okay" ,... like i feel so clingy right now, idk if I should ever hit you up anymore. Liek you dont even wanna deal with me anymore.. like i'd always have to make the first move now. idk what to do, i can see all the signs..

Why

It took a year for you to "get at someone" yet it took a few months to get over it ??? You always mention how much heartbreaks you had to go through, how much things you had to go through. I had no phones to text , you always try to find a way to contact me.. no matter if you have to use another friends to aim me for a bit or maybe just a few seconds, youd always do it. Now, you just like tak eme for granted even if you say you dont, I can feel it.. I've always been here for you thru thick and thin but I guess you feel like you can do better than that. Maybe you wanted someone prettier or you got bored of me. Man , typing this out makes me wanna tear up hella badly but I'm resisting, until I hop into somewhere that I wont get questioned or embarrass myself. I'm starting to believe what my friend said , how you're just playing someone or using someone. Man , I feel used and stupid, this is embarrassing. I got so mad at first , I just pulled the necklace and it ripped out and it broke ... idk if I should keep wearing it or just throw it away . Its not that you're completely giving me the "it's over " sign, it;s that you treated me so sweetly but then again, you always do the things I dont want you to do. Like, something small ... it affects our relationship. && the fact that you have "better convos" with other makes me.. idk.. jealous ? well... it's like they know youre taken but then again, why do you try so hard to talk to them ? Like you'd ignore me for hours outta nowhere & I see you logged on aim ... then you were active on facebook & you dont even bother to drop bye and say brb but you have the time to aim a girl and talk to her & then liked her status like a few minutes ago & probably most likely talked to her since you requested a longer letter... and it's like the first time seeing you online on aim... what is this? I'm trying so hard not to talk to you anymore, I'm just gonna careless.